To be honest with you, and without wanting to 'wish my life away', I am so pleased to welcome 2015, and say a fond farewell to 2014 - a year of change, of limbo, of choices and experiences and a lot of wobbles; a year of highs and lows, of joy and tears, and more solitude than I would have liked, in hindsight.
When I welcomed in 2014, I had made some game-changing decisions. I felt brave, empowered, and on the edge of what I knew; I have no regrets, and can say that I feel proud of myself. My hope was to move into a phase of openness, of potential shifts in circumstance, and new possibility; I attempted to balance my life by giving myself the gift of time, to explore previously overlooked paths, and to experiment a little. I had big dreams, of peace, tranquillity and fulfilment, of renewed energy and an uncluttered mind. I can't berate myself too much for not achieving everything on the 'list' - finish my novel and record my album, amongst other things(!) - as it was optimistic (ten years' worth of 'putting things off' had become a rather long 'to do' list!)
To be fair to myself, I have put myself out there, to a point; I have worked in slightly different circles, meeting fresh faces and pushing my boundaries, but as 2014 came to a close I realised that my mind is still cluttered. Some things cling on by their nails, refusing to budge from my brain, and as I try to see off old habits that certainly do die hard, I have also found a load of new ones. Uncertainty and doubt are not my friends - they are nobody's friends! - and my hope for 2015 is that I can shed some of that self-doubt that has crippled me in the past so that I can continue to move forward with a light heart.
'Balance' is my word for 2015. Find it if I can, build on it, and try to maintain it.
What's your word for this new year? Wishing you all a fabulous start to 2015!
Xx
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